Note: April 2020: This post has some errors (theologically speaking) that need to be corrected. Because what is published on the internet stays there, I will not remove this page. I cannot change the past, but I will post a new article clarifying a lot of truth I have since discovered post 2016 when I wrote this. At the time, it was sufficient for where I was. But now I can do better.
This list empowers the person by defining the sin as an action, not the un-chosen trait of sexual orientation or unwanted same sex attractions. It cuts at the core of the depression which comes in thinking you’re inherently broken because of the unwanted same sex attraction.
As a Christian and ex-ex-ex-gay, I want to share with you an important list that is not shared enough with people who feel like failures or have lost hope in the battle with unwanted same sex attraction. This delineates what is sin and what isn’t sin in the world they struggle in.
The lie is propagated too often that being attracted to someone of the same sex is a sin. It is not. It’s a temptation. These truths seriously set me free and onto a course of victory over the sin. We are not defined by our temptations. Jesus gives us grace to overcome temptation. Satan has been defeated and there are no temptations you have to give in to.
1. Being tempted with same sex attraction is not a sin.
One of my closest brothers helped me realize that same sex attraction is not any worse than the attraction a married man has to cheat on his wife, or a wife on her husband. In that sense, I realized that if he can stay faithful to his wife in spite of the temptation, I could fight the same sex temptation. Temptation comes in whatever form the enemy can use in our lives – unique to us. Jesus has defeated the enemy! Jesus has given us grace to fight the enemy and his temptations.
2. ‘Gay orientation’ is not a sin.
I put quotes around ‘gay orientation’ because that is a loaded statement. Short – orientation is fluid. Orientation in and of itself is not sin. My orientation has changed over time as I’ve drawn closer to my wife and to Jesus.
2. “Orientation” is not a biblical concept
The concept of orientation is an invention of man to describe desires that are out of alignment with God’s design and will and purpose for people, and this normalize them and categorize people by desire. It is in effect deceptively attaches those desires, which can change, to our identity, as in a state of being. Orientation, to use mans term, has been proven to be fluid and change. (Lead researcher says orientation is fluid and can change)) The concept of change in desire is biblical. As our beliefs and values change, so do our desires. The ‘gay orientation’ as a term is to a degree sinful, as it misses the mark on the truth. The desires one has to sodomize another person if the same sex is symptomatic of a heart still needing sanctification. There is mercy and grace available to the genuine seeker wanting to exchange those desires for desires that please God. Psalm 37:5-7.
3. Sex, the action, outside of [heterosexual] marriage, is a sin.
Easy enough – unmarried heterosexuals or any other person identifying in an “orientation” are sinning if they are in a physical sexual relationship outside of biblical marriage.
4. Lusting after another person is sin.
Porn and self pleasure lead to sin as the sinner has abused the person in their mind. The object of a sinners obsession in lust is a created being deserving of the respect that comes as an image bearer of God. As such, lust degrades them to a sexual object and robs them and ourselves of purity. Lusting hurts both parties.
5. Pride is sin.
Lucifer fell because of pride. Don’t let it happen to you. A humble heart, a teachable heart, a heart hungry for God is one that will find peace, healing, love, faith, and hope.
6. Everyone- gay and straight, can be struggling with sin and temptation.
You are not alone in the struggle!
Keep your head looking up to Jesus. Get yourself to church and find a small group to connect with. Pray regularly. Seek a pastor for help. You will find other people who are empathetic to your situation and will help you with the battle of purity.